BIBLICAL BASIS TO MARRIAGE AND LOVE

 MARRIAGE AND LOVE

INTRODUCTION

God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him and He created the humans as male and female (Gen 1: 26, 27; Gen 5:1, 2). Here starts the God’s plan for union of Man and Woman in marriage and perfect unity to support and complement one another.

For Adam there was not found a helper fit for him after the creation of all things, So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and while he slept God took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, He made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said that she is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh and so she shall be called woman because she was taken out of Man (Gen 2:20- 23).

Understanding the challenges of the partner:

A person who is committed towards marriage with the wholesome heart should completely understand the challenges and limitations of a person and able to accept her unconditionally.

When Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and told about birth of Jesus. Joseph accepted Mary (Matt 1: 18-25).

MARRIAGE FOR PROCREATION:

Intimacy and procreation:

Marriage is meant for complementing one another in all aspects, and it involves physical intimacy for pleasure as well as procreation.

Adam knew his wife, Eve conceived and bore Cain and then Abel (Gen 4:1, 2). Cain and his descendent too had their wives and bore sons or daughters (Gen 4: 17 Onwards).

Going to a Greater extent of evilness to get wives:

Israel denied giving wives for Benjamin for disassociation but took the women of Shiloh by capturing them, to give them wives for the tribe to sustain (Judges 21: 6-23).

 

HUSBAND AND WIFE RELATIONSHIP

Submission in the bondage of marriage:

A wife should submit to the husband in God at all situations of life, though it may be personally unlikely for her and out of her comfortable zone.

Sarai decided to come along with Abram (Gen 12:1, 5). Sarah told herself as Abram’s sister, as he requested (Gen 12: 11- 13).

Taking pleasure in the wife:

The wife of the youth shall be a lovely deer, and a graceful doe. Her breasts shall fill a person at all times with delight (Proverbs 5: 18, 19). A person shall enjoy life with the wife whom a person love, all the days of his vain life that God had given him under the sun (Ecc 9:9).

Life after marriage:

Wives should submit to their husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself, its savior. Then as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. They should not let their adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And they are her children, if they do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Husbands should love their wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing of water with the word, so that he might present to church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because they are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Husbands should live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with them of the grace of life, so that their prayers may not be hindered. That mystery is profound, and he is saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However they ought to let each one of them love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph 5: 22-33; Colos 3: 18,19; 1 Peter 3: 1-7).

REGULATIONS REGARDING MARRIAGE:

Marriage and the Law:

Marriage is an unbreakable and irrevocable binding when the husband and wife who are bonded together are alive.

Paul writes to Romans that for a married woman is bound to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage (Rom 7: 2).

Instructions regarding Marriage:

Each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. They should not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that they may devote themselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt them because of their lack of self-control. if widows cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married he give that charge, not he, but the Lord, the wife should not separate from her husband but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest he said, not the Lord that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise their children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called them to peace. For do they know, wife, whether they will save their husband, or how do they know husband whether they will save their wife (1 Corin 7: 1-16).

SPECIFIC CALL OF GOD REGARDING MARRIAGE:

Remaining as themselves in God:

Each person has a general instruction from God as well as a specific calling. The general instructions need to derived from the Word of God and specific calling should be applied through the Word of God.

Paul writes to the brothers that in whatever condition each was called, there they ought to remain with God (1 Corin 7: 24).

Instructions for the unmarried and married:

It is good for a person to remain as he is, but when a person is bound to a wife, he should not seek to be free. Those who are free from a wife shall not seek a wife. But if they do marry, they have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, he should marry and it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined that in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he would do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in His judgment she is happier if she marries as she is (1 Corin 7: 25-40).

Obedience to God for fulfilling His purpose:

Sometimes the instructions from God shall be specific and unique for demonstrating or fulfilling His purpose for a person or a community.

When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord told Hosea to go and take to himself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord. So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son (Hos 1: 2,3).

 

 

 

INVOLVEMENT OF PARENTS AND OTHERS IN MARRIAGE

Search for a Bride by a Father:

The parents shall search for a Godly partner for their children, on agreement with them. The children shall not reject the proposals blindly and the parents should not be concerned about material benefit or should not have any ungodly discrimination. The parents should never compel the children to make it happen to uphold their status or pride.

Abraham told his servant to find a daughter in law for Isaac from his father’s house and he found Rebekah, daughter of Bethuel, Abraham’s brother and Isaac and Rebekah were married (Gen 24Ch).

Giving the bride for bravery and treachery:

Saul told David there is his elder daughter Merab and he would give her to him for a wife and told him only to be valiant for him to fight the Lord’s battles. For Saul thought that let not his hand be against him but let the hand of the Philistines be against him. David resisted the offer. Then Saul’s daughter Michal loved David and he married her after paying the bridal price asked by Saul (1Sam 18: 17-27).

 

DESIRING A WOMAN PLEASING TO THE SELF

A person shall choose his own life partner but there are always consequences on what basis a person chooses. When the intentions are not right and without Godly characteristics, marriage can be disastrous. When the intentions are right with Godly characteristics, marriage can be sustaining and fruitful.

Getting bonded to a similar clan:

Then a man from the house of Levi went and took as his wife a Levite woman. The woman conceived and bore a son, and when she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him three months (Exo 2: 1, 2).

Desire for a Woman and betrayal because of tradition:

After Isaac sent Jacob to take wife from his wife’s relatives, Jacob came to Laban in Haran. Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah’s eyes were weak but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance. Jacob loved Rachel and he said that he will serve Laban seven years for his younger daughter Rachel. Laban told that it is better that he give her to him than giving her to any other man and told Jacob to stay with him. Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him like a few days because of the love he had for her. Jacob told Laban to give him his wife that he may go into her, because his time was completed. Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast, but in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob and he went into her. Laban gave his female servant Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her servant. And in the morning when Jacob saw that it was Leah, Jacob asked Laban what is that he had done to her and asked did he not serve with him for Rachel and why then he had deceived him. Laban told that it is not done in their country to give younger before the firstborn. Laban told Jacob to complete the week with Leah and they will give him the other also, in return for serving him another seven years. Jacob did so and completed the week with Leah and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Laban gave his female servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel to be her servant. So Jacob went in to Rachel also and he loved Rachel more than Leah and served Laban another seven years. But God looked upon Leah who was being hated and gave her children while Rachel was barren for some time (Gen 27-29Ch).

Looking at a woman and taking as wife by self:

It happened at that time that Judah went down from his brothers and turned aside to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah. There Judah saw the daughter of a certain Canaanite whose name was Shua. He took her and went into her, and she conceived and bore a son, and he called his name Er. She conceived again and bore a son, and she called his name Onan. Yet again she bore a son, and she called was in Chezib when she bore him (Gen 38: 1-5).

Samson went down to Timnah, and at Timnah he saw one of the daughters of the Philistines. Then he came up and told his father and mother that he saw one of the daughters of the Philistines at Timnah. Then he told to get her for him as his wife. But his father and mother asked him whether there is not a woman among the daughters of their relatives, or among all their people, that he must go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines. He went down and talked with the woman, and she was right in Samson’s eyes (Judges 14: 1-7). Samson put a riddle during the feast to the relatives of Timnah, and challenged them something, and Timnah enticed Samson because of the threat of her relatives. Samson paid the challenge he told them and went back to his father’s house. And Samson’s wife was given to his companion, who had been his best man (Judges 14: 8-20).

 

CONSEQUENSES OF SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE

Unfair sexual act, move towards marriage and Slain:

Dinah, the daughter of Leah whom she had borne to Jacob went out to see the women of the land. When Shechem, the son of Hamor the Hivite, the prince of the land saw her and seized her. He laid with her and humiliated her. Shechem’s soul was drawn to Dinah and married her after negotiation through his father with Jacob, but Simeon and Levi, Jacob’s sons were angry and killed Shechem (Gen 34: 1-31).

Seduction and compensation:

If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride- price for her and make her his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride- price for virgins (Exo 22: 16, 17).

Consequences in Marriage because of Sexual violations:

The men of Israel had sworn at Mizpah that no one of them should give their daughter in marriage to Benjamin because of the few people in Benjamin who had abused the Levite’s concubine (Judges 21: 1; Judges 19Ch).

Deception in Love without commitment:

Samson loved a woman in the Valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the Philistines came up to her and told her to seduce him, and see where his great strength lies and by what means they may overpower him, that they may bind him to humble him. And they would give her 1,100 pieces of silver. Delilah seduced Samson and let him to be seized by Philistines (Judges 16: 1-21).

Amnon, David’s son loved his sister Tamar, Absalom’s beautiful sister. Amnon pretended, acted and got David’s permission, for Tamar to take care of him as per his friend’s advice. And he compelled to lie with him, not listening to her and being stronger than she, he violated her and laid with her. But later Amnon hated her with great hatred and told her to get up and go (2 Sam 13Ch).

 

REMARRIAGE AND MULTIPLE MARRIAGES:

Remarriage of Woman after Mother in laws advice:

The Sons of Elimelech and Naomi were Mahlon and Chilion who took Moabite wives Orpah and Ruth. Elimelech died and Mahlon and Chilion also died. Naomi returned to the country of Moab. Orpah left Naomi but Ruth decided to stay with Naomi (Ruth 1Ch). Naomi made Ruth to prepare herself to impress and attract Boaz, who is a good and kind kinsman and might be considerably older. After allowing the other closest kinsman to decide, Boaz took Ruth as his wife and she bore a son (Ruth 3Ch, 4Ch).

Remarriage of Woman after Husbands death:

David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife after Nabal’s death, as he know her and admired her for her discretion. Abigail became his wife (1 Sam 25: 39-42).

Multiple Marriages:

David married Michal (1 Sam 18: 27), Abigail (1Sam 25: 42), and Ahinoam (1Sam 25: 43). David took more wives in Jerusalem, and David fathered more sons and daughters (1 Ch 14: 3).

Giving the wife to a person’s brother after his death:

Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn and her name was Tamar. But Er Judah’s firstborn was wicked in the sight of the Lord and the Lord put him to death. Then Judah told Onan, Er’s brother to go in his brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother in law to her and raise up offspring for her brother (Gen 38: 6-11).

Moses told the people of Israel that if brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man should not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband’s brother should go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her (Deut 25: 5-10).

Choosing a woman as a replacement:

When the anger of King Ahasuerus had abated, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what had been decreed against her. Then the king’s young men who attended him told to let beautiful young virgins be sought out for the king. Esther was encouraged by Mordecai, winning the favor in the eyes of all who saw her. And when Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus, king loved Esther more than all the women, and she won grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins, so that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti (Esther 2: 1-18). 

Remarriage and the Law:

Paul writes to Romans that for a married woman is bound to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, and if she marries another man, she is not an adulteress (Rom 7: 2, 3).

 

MARRIAGE THAT IS FORBIDDEN AND DIVORCE:

Forbidden marriage:

God commanded Moses that the Israel people should not take a woman as a rival wife to her sister, uncovering her nakedness while her sister is still alive (Lev 18: 18).

Laws concerning Divorce:

Moses told the people of Israel that when a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he had found some indecency in her, he shall write her a certificate of divorce and put it in her hand and send her out of his house (Deut 24: 1-4).

Jesus told that it was said that whoever divorces his wife, he should give her the certificate of divorce. But he say to them that everyone who divorces his wife, exception the ground of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorce woman commits adultery (Matt 5: 31, 32).

Jesus asked Pharisees whether they have not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said that therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, So they are no longer two but one flesh, What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They asked him why then did Moses command one to give the certificate of divorce and to send her away. He said to them that because of their hardness of their heart Moses allowed them to divorce their wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And He said to them that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery (Matt 19: 1-9).

Failure of the Marriages:

When the heart of the king Ahasuerus was merry with wine, the seven eunuchs who served in his presence to bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown, in order to show the peoples and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king’s command delivered by the eunuchs. At that the king became enraged, and his anger burned within him. Then the king removed Vashti from the royal position (Esther 1: 10-22).

 

DISPLEASING GOD IN WRONG CHOICES OF MARRIAGE

Killing the husband to take the woman:

David remained at Jerusalem and saw a beautiful woman, Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah, the Hittite. David took her and she came to him, and he laid with her. The woman conceived and she sent and told David that she is pregnant. So David sent word to Joab, calling back Uriah to make things smooth, so that his mistake will be covered. But Uriah didn’t go to his home and David allowed Uriah to be killed, through a treacherous plan. After the mourning, David sent and brought Bathsheba to his house and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord (2Sam 11Ch).

Separation from God because of ungodly women:

Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh, such as Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel that they should not enter into marriage with them, neither should they be with them, for surely they would turn away their heart after their gods. Solomon clung to those in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. When Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not wholly follow the Lord, as David his father had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem. And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods (1 King 11: 1-8).

Getting Deviated because of wrong choice in Marriage:

The officials approached Ezra and told that the people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands with their abominations, from the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians and the Amorites. For they had taken some of their daughters to be wives for themselves and for their sons, so that the holy race has mixed itself with the peoples of the lands. And in that faithlessness the hand of the officials and the chief men had been foremost (Ezra 9: 1, 2).

Then there were found some of the sons of the priests who had married foreign women, Maaseah, Eliezer, Jarib, and Gedaliah, some of the sons of Jeshua the son of Jozadak and his brothers. They pledged themselves to put away their wives, and their guilt offering was a ram of the flock for their guilt (Ezra 10:18, 19).

CONCLUSION:

Marriage & Love making is a most delicate thing in the life of a person, and generally we could say that it makes the man and woman complete. It can construct our life and it could also destruct our life. So the decision in marriage should be made carefully with God at the center and readiness to give up our own interests, desires and inappropriate actions, a little bit with discretion for the common good.